Learning on the hoof

I’ve been a stable boy for just over two weeks now. Here are some of the things I’ve learned.

Horses are great! They’re warm and patient and friendly. Except when they get their arse on and nip you. 

I am the God of Scritchy. Finding a horse’s scritchy spot is immensely satisfying, especially when they return the favour with a grooming nibble.

Horses have flattish backs and sides. Human shoulders and arms are small and round. Being nibbled by an enthusiastic horse with bad tooth coordination *hurts*. Especially when they get you on the man boob.

Being trodden on isn’t nice.

If your horse gives you a sideways look before scampering off down the field, give up and go home. Seriously, she’s not coming in. Chasing her will just result in you tripping over a tussock of grass, landing face down in poo and looking foolish.

Horse’s feet smell of cheese. Bad cheese. Nasty cheese that even a French cheese pervert would reject as being too gross.

Horse owners are bit like parents. They all have Views on how well the other horse owners are bringing up looking after their horses.

I have a favourite dung shovel.

Poo is good. Especially when it’s a cold day and the poo trailer is kicking out so much heat that it steams. Mmmmmm, warm wellies. Just try not to breathe in, because if you pass out in the poo trailer you’ll probably dissolve before anyone finds you.

Sitting on a bale of shavings drinking a cup of coffee before mucking out is one of life’s great pleasures. At that moment all is right with the world.

Your horse is great/sweet/friendly/handsome/whatever but *my* horse is best.

I like horses. 🙂